[MLB-WIRELESS] WGBBQ

[Grant McHerron]

At 10:40 AM 12/05/03, 'twas written:
 >Now I believe we need a BBQ Working Group to discuss the development of
 >BBQing within melbwireless, SausagesV4 versus the newer SausagesV6 and how
 >it will impact the network as a whole.

Oh, most definitely.

I would like to contribute a small cooking guide for inclusion on the Wiki 
page if it meets (meats? :) with everyone's approval. This is based on my 
extensive comparison between cooking methods found in Australian and 
Argentine cultures - enjoy :)

Cheers,

Grant

-------------------

Outdoor Cooking, Australian Style
BBQ (pronounced bar-bee-kew)

1. Cooking usually performed by males of the group

2. Considerable amounts of alcoholic beverages consumed during preparation, 
production and consumption stages (usually beer)

3. Used by males to demonstrate their masculinity, prowess with tongs and 
ability to provide food products for potential mate

4. More males than females in Australia, therefore demonstrations of 
masculinity and other mate-attacting rituals are of vital importance.

5. Demonstration of masulinity usually thought to involve surviving 
dangerous feats - eg: lots of flame leaping about with potential to 
singe/burn/vaporise male

6. Foodstuffs usually include sausages and meat cuts from cow and sheep - 
additional foodstuffs can include corn-on-the-cob and potatoes-in-foil - 
use of other pig products uncommon, especially in Balaclava/Caulfield area 
(note: higher grade foodstuffs can also be used to indicate enhanced 
mate-potential)

7. Foodstuffs often pre-purchased at local convenience store, supermarket, etc.

8. Cooking often performed prior to commencement of weekend sport activity 
(see elsewhere for a review of this entirely separate Australian social 
ritual) thus in many cases there is a sense of urgency about the cooking as 
many of those involved wish to be well placed to view their sport.

9. Much activity sighted as foodstuffs placed in flames and turned/moved 
with tongs - extreme masculinity displays can be performed by using very 
short tongs (or no tongs at all)

10. As a result of extreme proximity to significant flameage, foodstuffs 
usually emerge in a highly charred state - often crispy black on the 
outside and raw on the inside (note: if potential mates do not see the 
quality of the foodstuffs before the ritual begins, they are unable to use 
quality in their potential-mate-ranking assessment, thus having to revert 
solely to flame size and proximity of flames to cook)


Outdoor Cooking, Argentine Style:
Assado (pronounced Ah-sar-doh)

1. Usually done by the males of the group.

2. TVs & radio's often placed in close proximity to cooking area, thus no 
rush to return inside for viewing

3. Significant amounts of alcoholic beverages consumed - usually wine

4. More females than males in Argentina, therefore males do not have to 
demonstrate their masculinity as obviously.

5. Lack of need for demonstrations means no need for dangerous flames, thus 
cooking takes place over hot coals with no flames reaching the foodstuffs

6. Entire ritual can start around 11am and not complete until 8pm as the 
first foodstuffs do not start cooking until about 1pm or so.

7. Foodstuffs include every part of the cow that can be cut into bits and 
shoved into the cooking area - even the bits that only the bulls have 
(note: again, obviously no need to demonstrate masculinity or this 
particular foodstuff would never be allowed due to the potentially 
embarassing size-related comaprisons that usually result)

8. When cooking in the country and/or for large numbers of guests, it is 
not uncommon for an entire cow to be sliced down the middle, spread open 
and propped over the coals to cook from the inside-out - serious country 
asados always have space for two cows to be cooked in this manner at the 
same time.

11. The foodstuffs produced by an asado are, typically, melt-in-the-mouth 
pieces of meat that have been cooked to perfection - the higher quality cut 
of meat (or healthier cow if paraded before guests prior to preparation) 
will definitely result in a better end product.


Summary:

A) Both types of outdoor cooking ritual can be enjoyable, although if 
consumption of food is the main intention of the ritual, the asado 
definitely beats the BBQ

B) If time is short, the BBQ will win over the asado - but then, if time is 
short, take-aways and tv-dinners may provide higher quality nourishment

C) For demonstration of masculinity (based on standard assumption that 
facing danger and winning is a classic masculine trait) then the BBQ 
definitely beats the asado

D) If you have a cow and you don't want to waste any of it, call an 
Argentine and they'll show you how to cook it all in the best possible way 
for each part of it

E) Both rituals involve consumption of alcohol so it is possible to arrive 
at a state where you can eat the typical crispie-rawie BBQ food or typical 
"what the hell is that bit!!!!????" asado food without any form of 
doubt/concern/squeemishness.



Lessons Learned:

If it is possible to combine the best of the asado (eg: cooking without 
naked flame) with the best of the BBQ (eg: doesn't take all day) then one 
can attain the nirvana of outdoor cooking - quality food, good company and 
significant consumption of alcohol.



------------------------------
Grant McHerron
Tao Ceti Pty Ltd

Level 1, 530 Little Collins St, Melbourne VIC 3000, Australia
Ph: +61 3 9909 7067             Fax: +61 3 9228 3257
http://www.taoceti.com.au       grant at taoceti.com.au


To unsubscribe: send mail to majordomo at wireless.org.au
with "unsubscribe melbwireless" in the body of the message